There were days I forgot that I am still too young and that it is anything but wrong to not have things figured out, and there were nights I laid awake and felt like I was anything but good at the things I put efforts in.
Society gives us so much pressure in different ways and one of these is the notion that we must achieve certain things by a certain age. Somewhat of a timeline to our lives.
Who was it that said ‘you must finish high school no later than eighteen years old, earn an undergraduate degree by twenty-three, or twenty-four at most, work at a reputable company for a while and it might be advisable to start a business or company of your own, get yourself a master’s degree while you are at this, have a number of friends that you make lively memories with, friends you grow with, ensure you also find love during this – no one wants to be lonely right? You also find a hobby you are enthusiastic and passionate about, something you do so effortlessly and brings you joy. Then you marry that lover you found, you start a family, and work, and love, and parent, and earn money, a lot of it. Because if you don’t get that degree on time, or that reputable job, or have friends, a lover and children you can show off, or enough money to go on holidays every other holiday season, well I am sorry to rub it on your face honey; but you are late.’
I like how the French say no one. Personne.
A regular young boy from across the corner down in Kairaba Avenue watches the business of the city fastidiously. He notices how the students who go to schools around Bakau and Kotu walk to the center of the area, Traffic Lights. The employed men and women close from work and they all gather there, in search for a vehicle to aid them home. Sometimes, they even become aggressively in this quest. It amazes him.
In a society where being a young adult comes with being faced with the pressure to know what you want to do with your life, at what age you want to do it by, and the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with, it is challenging to live on your own terms.
So we tend to follow the path we allowed society to presents to us, and spend our days running from one thing to another, and most of our nights are spent awake, in the quest for lives, better than the ones we are living. Why? Because by a certain age, we must accomplish the goal attached to it.
But age is just an age, a number. We see how a thirty-year-old can have the mind and behavior of a seventeen-year-old and vice-versa.
One night, I felt like I have skipped so much of my ‘go out and have way too much fun’ stage of life and went straight into my mid-twenties. And believe me, I am not even twenty years old yet.
Encouraged by parents and mentors, one can happily spend their twenties focusing on education and career, because they ‘have’ to be wealthy enough to settle down by thirty. They are no longer young adults by then, they become adults slowing drifting into middle age.
And in that decade of one’s life, trying to balance work, school, family - of your own or the one you are born into - love and social life, will have you drained. Psychologically, emotionally, spiritually and maybe even financially.
Whether it’s the fact that the people around us might be landing impressive jobs, starting businesses, travelling a lot, finding love or appear to be at their best, our twenties is a decade full of expectations and the relentlessness pressure to meet certain milestones. (How do I even know this when I am not even twenty? Well, literally everyone in my life is older than I am - I am basically the baby of my life - and I tend to take lessons from observations.)
But sometimes we need to relax and embrace the present, not just because the future is not promised but because it is considered a gift we must cherish. Yes, we have to learn, study and work because most of us want to make our parents proud and the fear of not doing this while they are alive also contributes to the drive we have towards the acheivement of our goals. And sometimes, the absence of the achievement of a goal by a certain age or year makes us feel like a failure of some sort.
There is no denial that the sooner you start your journey to the life you aspire to live and work strenuously towards it, the better. But why you rushing?
Honey, breathe.
It is alright if you graduate high school at twenty-one, at whatever age you earn your undergraduate degree, it is still considered an accomplishment you worked hard for and earned. If you happen to choose not to work for a reputable company due to whatever reason known to you, or did not secure the job you applied for, its alright.
Go ahead and do whatever it is that brings you joy and pleasure (keep it Halal though.)
If you do not find your ‘first love’ in high school - or in your teenage - to look back to when you’re old and gray, it is alright baby; perhaps your time, mind, body and soul is too sacred to share with just anyone.
Don't rush, slow touch.
If your goal seems too hard to accomplish, it is because it will bring you grace and elation once it is achieved. Challenges will always wander by, to question your strength and readiness for it.
Allow yourself time to grow, to learn.
Self-acceptance is an important factor in one’s life journey; and it is a process. Just as the journey is.
You may do a lot of things with your life, and though I am not the one to tell you want to do and what not to do with it, I would not recommend setting a pressurizing milestone to your life.
Breathe.