‘And perhaps the greatest act of strength is forgiveness.’
In the regular everyday life in which the human being goes on about his daily activities, lies the effect of the involvement of other human beings around. Family, friends, acquaintances, random and regular strangers.
Actions we do in the pursuit of our dreams and visions, affect those around us. These are actions are either right or wrong, true or false. And it is these same actions, that can wrong another person. Whether intentionally or unintentionally.
The pain one causes another cannot be measured by none but the one on whom it has been inflicted on. The decision to forgive, take retributive justice, or simply let go without having to do either is also one that only he can take.
Forgiveness is the release of resentment or anger.
Never, is it easy to forgive one was wrong to you. Often times, one may decide to stay away from them and un-associate oneself with anything that might have to do with them. Dwelling on the events which has brought you pain or wronged your life in one way or another and reliving them brings you nothing but premonition and suppressed anger. This is one of the elements that lead to retribution.
“I am wronged and not only did it mentally affect my life, but also emotionally. Anger overcomes me each time I hark back to what you did to me, each time I recollect how your lips - which used to assemble words so tender I’d consider myself a baby all over again - threw thorns, sharp as knife, to my face, tummy and thighs, and each time I recall how your actions changed my life; for the worse. Revulsion runs through my veins upon sighting how calm and unapologetic you are, going on about your daily life. Oh how evil man can be.
The indignation it inflicts on me made me do it. It made me take retributive justice and inflict an even greater pain on you. You made me do it.”
Another approach to retribution is revenge, and this, while it might ease the pain and anger implanted by a wrongdoer, also forms an element, which proliferates in the heart, creating wickedness in oneself.
Forgiveness comes in the form of emotion and decision. Decisional forgiveness and emotional forgiveness.
While emotional forgives is hard to accomplish due to negative feelings, - which are very common to return to one’s mind due to thoughts about the wrongdoer, being triggered or one still suffers from the consequences of the action - decisions forgiveness is easier as it simply involves replacing ill will with good will. Like simply wishing them well and lack of harm irrespective of how badly they wronged you.
But maybe, just maybe, forgiveness itself is hard. Whether decisional or emotional. I revert back to how I said at the beginning, “the pain one causes another cannot be measured by none but the one on whom it has been inflicted on.”
Nonetheless, it is not a must that when one forgives, one must reconcile. You can simply forgive for your sake, the sake of your heart and soul, and let go of the one who had wronged you.
I asked a friend what his thoughts were about forgiveness and retribution and he told me: “I personally believe that people should always be forgiven no matter what they do or have done; that is if they are remorseful. An addition should be not to forget or always be alert so the wrong they’ve done never reoccurs.”
I asked the same question to another friend two days later and he said, “I believe everyone deserves forgiveness and a second chance, probably. Probably a third chance.”
And that made me think, a second chance extended to another person is also a second chance for you. Your decision that someone is not worthy of forgiveness is in fact a statement saying you too, are not worthy of it. You might not decide to give a second chance and that is absolutely fine. But forgiveness does not only bring you peace, but it also heals and frees you from whatever ill will might have been in your heart.
A study, published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, found that forgiveness restores positive thoughts, feelings and behaviors toward the offending party and most times, restores the relationship to its previous positive state.
Have you the the slightest idea how mature and strong you must be to forgive, and perhaps give a second chance to your wrongdoer?
And that is why I say perhaps the greatest act of strength is forgiveness.
But think of this, everything is either right or it’s wrong, and either true or false. So what, then, if the right action wrongs a person and the truth hurts another?
How does forgiveness, vengeance or retribution come in?
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