"According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Does that sound right? This means, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy." ~Jerry Seinfeld
Criticism can arrive as potshots from a rude individual, then there are times when a supervisor, peer or loved one wants to be helpful by giving honest feedback but doesn't know how to do that effectively. " Can I give you a constructive criticism?" One might ask. In my opinion, it's good when they ask; you as an individual know whether criticism from that individual will lower your self-esteem or make you do better - hence you know whether to let them go on or not. Criticism is still criticism, even when dressed up as being constructive.
"A critic is one who expresses a reasoned opinion on any matter, especially involving a judgment of its value, truth, righteousness, beauty or technique." A definition from Merriam-Webster's dictionary. However, the dictionary also provided and alternative definition: "one giving to harsh or captious judgment."
We often let criticism from people we don't know and people we know but aren't part of our lives affect us a little too much. Just as much as we have people who criticized us knowingly or unknowingly, we also criticized ourselves - internal critics.
From childhood, criticism and doubts of our parents and caregivers leave deep tracks in our minds and our brains do a great job of running repeating loops of how things can go wrong. The doubts and critic voices we get from childhood affects our minds than many of the judgers we come across later in life.
And so, our internal critics make us question ourselves as we grow older. Am I good enough for this position? Am I smart enough to enroll in this institution? Am I fit for this task? Am I good looking enough? Do I even stand a chance of winning this? Before others get to criticize us, questiioning our capabilities take us one step closer to criticizing ourselves; especially when we make mistakes in the process.
Every individual has his/her way of dealing with external critics. Some, it doesn't affect at all, while others, it mentally affects then - this can leave a doubt in one's mind that he/she isn't good enough for whatever he/she tries to go into. Let’s face it, none of us like being criticized, regardless of the reasons or the validity of the criticism, it feels like a blow to our basic desire to be loved, accepted and appreciated. And because we’re naturally programmed to avoid negativity like the plague, our ability to maintain perspective and gain from criticism is a skill that does not come naturally to us. There are particular people who use external critics to get better and not bitter. These are the wise ones. It is inevitable to be criticized, so when you're criticized, use it to your advantage.
Once you’ve decided to pay attention to the criticism you receive, it is important to hold it in the larger perspective of the full situation. Instead of getting caught up in what went wrong—and even beating yourself up for it—balance your perspective by also considering what went right. What were the inner and outer resources that led to the positive? Can you harness them again or further? This balanced approach will buffer you with your strengths, and fuel you with hope to bring about change in the areas you need to improve, rather than allow the criticism to occupy your mind and bring you down. Remember to always try to not take it personally.
Not taking it personally, however, is easier said than done. But if you find yourself getting a little too sensitive about the feedback you’ve received, and ruminating endlessly about it, try creating emotional distance by picking up a pen and writing down the key takeaways as factual bullet points. And if you find that the criticism is clearly not about you at all, but about the fears, concerns or frustrations of the person delivering it, then work at tuning out such advice (and such people) by building mental boundaries.
The better you become at managing criticism, the stronger you will be at managing the critical voice in your own head. Because we all have it. And those who succeed in life are those who have learned to heed it when needed.