The weather app on my phone says it should be raining right now but instead of being embraced by rain when I step outside the main house, I am embraced by heat. The same heat I was running away from when I decided to go to the backyard.
The only company that is supposed to provide the entire country with water and electricity has been doing the opposite a lot more lately; and with no electricity to use an electrical appliance to bring coolness to my body, I seek comfort for my body in the hut in the backyard of my home, or cold running water.
But even so, my body still suffers. It is for this reason that I have formed a habit of – when my brothers are long gone at work or wheresoever they go during the day – taking showers at the tap, a few feet away from the hut in which I seek cool air.
Yes, I shower at the backyard of my home in broad day light instead of going to the bathroom where I have more than enough privacy. The enclosed space there still generates heat. At least to me.
The immense heat has made me feel so tired and has filled my mind with thoughts.
I currently think I have never felt so tired as I feel right now. But then, I just thought, I probably said that before. I was probably feeling tired like today – or more, or maybe less – and thought I have never felt so tired before and even then, maybe I did.
Mm. Humans and their thoughts.
We tend to assume that what we are going though is the worst of the worst. One does not really know how scanty one’s problems are until another tells them of his. Then, we try to humble ourselves by giving grace to God.
Why is it that we must hear of a less fortunate affair to be grateful for our present one?
Like the time you might think ill of your body, but then, someone who you think is close to perfect and assume that there is almost no flaw embedded in them, tells you that deep down, there of some form of insecurity in the flaws she carries.
And you think, “oh.”
Truth is, we are all flawed. In one way or another. If not in our body, it is in our character, or our habits. But what is wrong is body-shaming.
And no, body shaming does not only apply to ‘big’ people. It also applies to the ‘small’ people. More often that one would like to believe.
If it isn’t “you should eat more,” it is “do some weight gaining exercise.” Or sometimes it is “do you eat at all or are you trying to be a model or something?” And when it gets to the worst, they say, “no man would want a girl as skinny as you.” As if all women desire to be desired by a man.
Our little world has people making girls feel less about themselves by pinpointing flaws in their body.
Yes slim girls eat. Some eat a lot. Others eat a lot more than girls who aren’t slim eat. It just so happens that they either have a very high metabolism rate or God prefers that they stay that way – as He has created them.
I have not been chubby since when I was five years old – or maybe I was six. I have been skinny since then. Growing smaller as I aged. Body shaming skinny people was so frequent to me that I thought it was normal. I had never considered it body shaming because it was being done to me from as early as when I was a kid. People would hold my wrist, enclose it with their thumb and index finger, and make jokes about my size. And believe me, I would laugh with them. Not once did I ever think that what they were doing was wrong.
But there comes a certain point where you feel your self-esteem being lowered. And you realize, it is because people are trying to make you feel less about yourself, about your body.
The other day, I came across a picture from Eid-ul Adha three years ago and Lord I was skinny. I compared it to the pictures I took on this year’s Eid-ul Adha and Eid-ul Fita celebration, and I promise you, my body did get bigger. And no, I did not practice any weight gain exercise, I did not eat more than I usually would, and I most definitely did not consume any unnatural substance.
But what’s ironic about this is that the same people who claimed I was way too skinny, even with the growth my body had made, still say I am way too skinny.
You can never really please people.
When we – girls who are in love with their slim bodies – say that we like our bodies the way it is, people tend to assume that that is just us trying to comfort ourselves about our body size. Honey, there are some of us who are very much genuinely in love with our bodies.
If one has so much dislike for a certain type or size for a body, that is fine, honestly. Go for the type or body size you like. Just make sure you don’t make the body size you claim to dislike feel less about their bodies. It’s toxic. And it is very wrong. Irrespective of the size of a woman’s body, one must not speak ill of it.
If I am to be bigger than I currently am, it will happen at its own pace. Until then, do you come to me requesting that I eat more (especially when you don't feed me.) Because I will not tolerate no one’s son or daughter trying to make me feel less about my body.
You will never acquire a sense of security about yourself by trying to put a sense of insecurity in another person.
PS: if you are one who tends to point of other people’s flaws – including their bodies – you’re disgusting. Try to change that habit.