When it was all over and done, I laid awake under the secrecy of a thousand stars and a half moon brightening the four corners of my bedroom through the windows whose curtains were rather very transparent and light.
There, when the rest of those in my company at my home were long asleep, it all occurred to me how our relation eventuated.
I would like to believe that it was your benevolence and company that filled my mind with thoughts I dare not speak of; but maybe it was your approach to conversing with me that caused me to reverie.
I feel a little too chagrined at the thought of how much of myself I was too near to losing, for you. How at some point, I had considered putting my pride - which has not once left my side - aside, for you.
Oh but how I thank my mind, for it is no fool even though there are nights in which my heart wish it so.
There in my bed, as I laid and awaited sleep in the company of a classical book over two hundred years old, I thought to myself:
‘You had better get a grip of yourself young lady. You have more than once observed that these things bring you nothing but joy for no more than a fortnight, then sorrow for months.’
I embraced myself, and drowsed.
When you come to me, seeking any relation, other than that of acquaintance or friendship, keep in mind that I have spent my life building walls so high your neck would ache from trying to take it into sight, that not once have I parted with my pride - and this, allows no one too close to me, and that my mind is always in a battle with my heart - and each time, it wins. Then embraces the heart to sleep.