Dear Ex-Lover,

Please give very little regards to the letter I had written to you on the day our relationship ended. Had I known what awaited me a few hours after I wrote it, its content would have been a little different. But it is what it is. Let me tell you though, it certainly feels good writing to you a second time, and I may be one who likes to keep her relationships to herself, but I must tell you of this:

At the beginning of my new relationship, the start of a new decade in the twentieth year of 2000, came a virus which spread across the globe like wildfire, causing plague on earth, nation by nation. It came fast and strong, and absolutely carefree of the lives of people. The corona virus – that is what it is called – literally put a pause on most people’s lives and their affairs. It brought a stop to physical interaction, kept people who were privileged enough to have a home indoors, and took the lives of over a million in the world. The internet, though it was highly used and active before the virus, became a tool everyone turned to for work, school and as a mean of sustaining society.

The spread of the virus and the amount of deaths it caused scared me and broke my heart but I must say, it brought me some sort of relief that The Gambia was one of the last countries to report a corona virus case and it is still one of the countries with the least reported cases. However, it does not kill my fright because most Gambians give very little care to the deadly virus. The social distancing that was advised by the World Health Organization for us to observe is evidently non-existent and most, if not all, of our reported cases are patients with travel history from Senegal, our neighboring country with a way higher number of reported cases.

But the deadly virus was not the only thing that came with what I had anticipated to be a better lover than you were. Midway through our relationship, we faced a race war.

You must know that racism was existent long before both of us were, but in 2020, black people became fed up with the immense racism they have been facing and the numerous deaths in black communities caused by it. Amid the corona virus pandemic, black people across the world came together in large numbers – both online and offline – and protested against racism in their individual countries. It was undeniably revolutionary.

For the first time in my life, I experienced true loss and there was nothing good that was ongoing in my relationship with 2020 that made me feel good - at least not genuinely. It might make you feel better to know, as much as I give great dislike to my relationship with you, I had better days in them than I do with 2020. And to think we’re only half way through.

In all honesty, 2020 has to be the worst relationship I had to live in. A pandemic, a race war, highest unemployment rate, loss, the return of ebola, increase in rape cases, huge number of deaths, and every month, came with its own surprise. But maybe, looking at it from a different angle, 2020 and all the nightmares it came with was a necessity to humanity.

While humans were indoors, nature was at ease to be what it is. Lakes and rivers started to cleanse, and its beauty was visible again. At some point, the air became cooler. People were now having more than enough time to themselves – allowing themselves to think, exercise, eat well, read, play, and reflect. People learnt and they began to think differently, for better.

Irene Vella said, “and when the danger passed, and the people joined together again, they grieved their losses, and made new choices, and dreamed new images, and created new ways to live and heal the earth fully, as they had been healed.”

You would have to agree with me, as devasting as 2020 has been so far, it has been revolutionary, insightful and truly life changing.

On a positive note, I give grace for the few genuine new friends 2020 has introduced me to. I am sure you remember how shy and anti-social I tend to be most times. This relationship is allowing me to work on that. Oh! And it has given me such delight in being an aunt. In those moments, I am genuine happy and at ease. I look at the little angel and think, if only I could take all the imperfections of the world and embed it in myself just so she would remain perfect.

On the other hand, there is me as a person. Not a daughter, a sister, a friend, an aunt, a cousin, a niece, nor a lover. Just me as a person. One who is finally finding herself in a chaotic world. This ‘phase’ of my relationship with 2020 has been undoubtedly interesting for me. I am learning to live, day by day; allowing time its pace and not rushing into/unto anything. Spending my days, which seem to go by way too fast, building and reconnecting my essential relationships. Acquiring grace, peace, love and Imaan. I have found myself reflecting on what success and peace means to me, and the importance of gratitude. Being twice as kind to myself because I am worthy of it. Making new and better choices and on the path of becoming a better person, day by day. To consciousness, contentment, and consistency.

My sister prays that what is left of my relationship with 2020, as well as everybody else, will be better than what we have lived with it. My mother then added, “may it end in peace and goodness.”

Say Ameen to that.

with love, again,

maryaam